Thursday, April 17, 2008

Better hold onto something ladies

I look to the future of my youngest son Henry and wonder many things. But one thing I can be sure of is that he is not going to be inadequate at expressing his appreciation for the opposite sex.

I can rest at ease knowing I will never have to cross paths with an ex of his and hear the words, “I’m like sorry that it didn’t work out ma'am. He’s just bad in bed.”

In the future, if things don't work out with the ladies it will not be due to a lack of enthusiasm on his part but rather their inability to cope with the depth of his passion.

If he isn’t trying to pry his way down a females shirt to see Bah-BEEZE then he is relentlessly searching for an area to kiss. If he can find your face he never hesitates to lay one on. This kids got potential. No fear of commitment here. Uh-Uh. Henry is so good at kissing he deserves his own theme song. I mean I don’t want to brag but I think we have a prodigy here.

Yeah, so what if he still thinks everything is called a circle (including me). And yeah, it's true, I often find him eating dog food in a complete state of bliss.
But really when you think about it, everything is kind of like a circle now isn’t it? And how do you know that the particular brand of dog food I buy isn’t amazing?

Yesterday as I picked him up in my arms he grabbed my face between both of his palms and pulled me into his lips. He pressed so hard that I had to grab a hold of the counter to prevent myself from falling over.

Two days ago when he went to kiss his eighty-year old grandma he nearly knocked her chair over. All I heard coming from the living room was “Oh my word! Oh my word!”

I’m just so glad he didn’t kill her. Just imagine that epitaph. Here lies Jackie Eastin, devoted wife, mother, and grandmother, killed in the throes of passion.


cognosco said...

My younger brother was a total kisser--he loved to kiss everything. He kissed a snake that had wandered into our yard when he was about 2. It bit him. Luckily, it was not a poisonous snake.

You could say that this experience was a foreshadowing of the experiences with women that were to come later...except some of them were poisonous. Buy generic drugs