Saturday, May 10, 2008

Dude, Caller ID, that's all I'm saying.

My nephew just graduated from Bible college. And so we went over there to exchange large sums of money for a large plate of cheese casserole. Sounds like a fair deal, right?

And my nephew is the quintessential perfect christian kid, god bless him, and now (poor dear) he is trying desperately to figure out what he has been called to do.

"Okay, wait a minute." I said. "What does it mean called to do? And does it involve a telephone, or a cell phone, or both?

And he's like, "You're so silly Auntie, you sure are funny."

"Yeah, but I really am curious, what does it mean to be called? Who is calling you? Is it Jesus? Or God? Or both? Oh Balls! Tell me they don't put you on speaker phone? I HATE speaker phone."

Because it seems like there's an awful lot of people being "called" for things around here on planet earth. Could this be the same God calling everyone? Or, are there a couple of prank callers who pretend that they're God but then they give you some message like, "Go hairless. Totally. Hairless. And it will serve ye well." Beep! Because you know any decent God impersonation has to be done slowly and deeply and it will inevitably reach the end of the allotted recording time. And my prankster god theory would help explain the recent trend in deliberately hairless men and rise in the cost of wax.

So I'm listening to my nephew talk and he's really concerned about this phone call situation. And whether or not he should return gods call.

And I'm like, "Call him back, don't be such a puss. Just say I really appreciate the call. But I'm happy with my current situation and I'm probably gonna have to pass for right now. But, thanks? And...we'll be in touch?"

Then he looked at me, "You really don't get this do you?"

"Get what? If he's gonna get pissy about it just tell him you'll call him when you're ready to talk. Yeesh, I hope he doesn't get all 'psycho' on you. And hello? That's the beauty of caller I.D. You don't have to talk to anyone." And then I shoved another pile full of peanuts into my mouth. "Just don't sweat it so much. You're home from college! Get laid! Drink beer! Read a few good books!"

"Dude, you are so my favorite Aunt."


Susan Lilmom' said...

or he can prentend he is going through a tunnel. "Can you hear me now-God can you hear me now?"

Katrina said...

*snort* I never got that either. How do they know it's not the "devil" prankin' 'em? Sitting there in hell, bored, when one of the demons says...DUDE! we totally gotta prank that Smith kid! We'll tell him you're god and that he's called to be a missionary to squirrels!

(Dodging lightning bolts)

womaninawindow said...

I'm so relieved he still wants to get laid, you know, in the face of god and all.

Gardens of Solipsism said...

Oh, oh, next he might be explaining "god's plan" for you! How the hell do those peachers know what's what? Perfect intellectual setting for those who want to know it all and can't deal with the tedious work of finding out. Very funny!