I just want to let you know that I really like you, Science. You are amazing, Science. Thank you for all your great research and your skeptical approach at debunking countless irrational claims, Science. And you're right! I really am happier no longer believing that coffee enemas prevent cancer (because that was getting weird). Life is better now that I can look at a coffee pot without the immediate tightening of my sphincter. However, there are things that trouble me about you.
First, are you always this uptight? Because I don't think it would kill you to lighten up a bit. I realize you're really smart and all, but nothing will ever change the fact that farts are funny. And if you're looking to really reach the public you should consider being a wee bit more generous with the jokes. The way I see it, it's either start being funny or buy a sports car. Cause honey you’re gonna need it.
And secondly, after I go out of my way to explain things that you really seem to think are important--how do you propose I deal with my newly formed "critically thinking" child? Because when my four year old says to me, "Mom, stop talking because your words are making my brain think thoughts that make my blood go into my muscles and my muscles are now too tired to listen!" Well, Science, I blame you!
But, I’m not mad. I just want your help. Because I know what the Bible would say. And right now I don’t have access to a rod for which I can unspoil my child.